Good thoughts from Becky, Betty, and Jonas. Here’s what comes to my mind—
I believe that the things you’ve observed are signs that something is wrong in this child’s life. It could be some type of trauma or mental illness, or just the normal difficulties of growing up. There’s nothing abnormal or shameful about this; we all live in a fallen, broken world, and it’s inevitable that each of us, in our own ways, will be impacted by this brokenness. That’s what this child is experiencing. It’s not always (although it sometimes is) our job as teachers to pinpoint and solve the problems our students face, but we do need to offer care and support as they struggle with life’s difficulties.
I’ve found that the harder I try to do the right thing for students, the more likely I am to do the wrong thing. Instead, I must be the right person, and right actions will result. It’s the difference between calculating and caring; it’s impossible for my calculations to take every factor into account, but care for my students will lead me to better actions towards them and will even soften the impact of my mistakes. When I concentrate on doing, it’s as if I’m telling the student, “You are a malfunctioning machine. I’m going to try a bunch of things to see if I can fix you.” When I concentrate on being, I tell the student, “I care about you. I am on your team. You have value. It is my goal to help you, even when I do something you don’t like. These things will always be true regardless of your actions or performance.”
I’m NOT trying to discount the suggestions given in this thread. I just want to emphasize that any action must be done in the context of loving concern for the student. I do sense this loving concern in your posts, and am confident that you will continue to cultivate it.
